A planned encounter

She stood so near to me, I was so sure this time. I could feel her. I could see her so close to me, although in a literal sense. I could feel the incense of her body. A mixed aroma of her partially wet hair, wide lips, and a budding young body. We stood there, besides each other, discussing routine stuff, which is always discussed. What was new and exceptional, was her smile, a gesture, seen while she was talking. That enlightened the moment and gave it a sense of purity. A cheerful expression and a glow in her face when I cracked a joke.

All I wanted was to make her smile. Smiles are worthy. I somehow knew but never realized this before. It really works. I stood there, static, watching her smile, a line of white teeth visible behind pink and sensuous lips. Her hair, tied at her back with few strands falling on her shoulder on the front. Her soft hands were moving, while she was speaking, as if she was a magician and casting a spell on me. This was all so real. I could not feel anything no more. This was a sense of achievement.

She finished what she had to and took a leave. I was suddenly taken aback. I did not want to show her that I missed her presence, which was painful but an ingenious experience for me. I did not want to let her go. Nobody could let go of the moments which filled their lives with so much joy. I could do no more. I had to let her go. I did not say anything, not a word. All I did was to see her leave.

She left on time, completing what she had to. It was as per plan and anticipated and cannot be retailored. Blocked calendars are never modified, except for other priority requirements sometimes, to move something pre or post, or to replace one appointment with another. They are never altered to occupy moments like this. Outlook or Squirrel has not yet worked on software’s to plan moments of bliss. They can only plan business meetings. Let’s hope for them to do better in the future.

I only kept thinking about her. She was so complete in her presence. She made me feel happy. She made me feel myself. I could not say anything or move. There was no hurry, in her actions, but a finishing. She was not an amateur. She was a professional, used to this world. She knew the rules. Not that she had no feelings, but she did not express it, or may be hid them so well, that nobody could find out. At least I could not. Then I got busy thinking about when I could see her next.

Donate a life

This thought started in my mind when I saw an eye donation camp hoarding in my office lobby. Donating an organ, I thought, must be some serious stuff. It is like you giving away your heart to somebody. Heart exchanges do happen in everyday lives of college students, but this one is serious matter. This is literal. They are asking for it, in real sense.

There are organs which you can donate after you die and there are ones which you could donate and accept a challenging life ahead. The latter is difficult. People donate kidneys, bone marrow, cartilage, blood etc. and continue to live a life, more alive and heartfelt, though. Eye donation is generally preferred after you die. The reason could be that eyes are the only organ or sense which keeps you connected with this world and its beauty. Without eyes, you cannot see, but you can feel and touch and listen. You need to be more sensitive to praise the world using your hands or ears or heart for that matter. You can try though, its not impossible. If you have love in your heart, you do not need mediums to express it. It will flow, with or without a medium, just like water flows.

This thought of donating an organ always thrills me. I have considered filling an eye donation form many times in the past, but I have not yet completed the process. I would love to, but the only problem is that, I feel scared. I would be happy to donate a part of mine and to be able to see that person alive and feeling happy about life. That one is for me, I think. The only thing I wait for now is the feeling of compassion. I feel, I will do it someday.

Words from my heart

• Music is love. It is the sound of love. Sound is the only way to express, to pour your heart, your love, out. I mean, it is the root, the very source of universe.
• Quality is the key. It makes you happy. It moves you an inch further to that divine energy. Hence it sells better. It has to.
• Emotion is life. Emotion is expression. It is our true nature. Be yourself, express yourself.
• I am still in control. I need more of it. I want to lose myself. This is life. This is it, the only moment, and I guess this is the only way out.
• I represent myself. I am my only salesman. I am the one who sells me best.
• Should I do it? Do I give myself to you as I would, when I feel what’s around me?
• Every moment is the bliss. Live here, die here. Take a shower and go back to work. This is it. This is the world, the only home.
• This is better than the last time. This is real good coz I am learning. This is Evolution. Yes, I am talking about Darwin’s natural selection.
• Pain is true. Pain is love. They are the same.
• Can’t I be this good all the time? Bless thyself. Let me be it. I am loving it. These are the moments, I will say.
• Music is energy. The very nature of music is therapy. It’s like going back home. It purpose is to make you feel better, that’s it. You got it.
• I cannot define sense. Is it being Sensuous or for that matter, Sensitive. Alive.
• I am living these moments. Let me have them. They add up in the end, to make my life. That’s also my age. Literally too, age means summation of the years, you were alive, yes, living.
• May be I am nearing to the best of me; my senses, my treasures, my gifts.
• Gratitude is yet to come, I think. I have stopped worrying these days. I am less scared now, relatively though, yes, that’s what I have achieved so far.
• Let me do it. Do not stop me from being me. Lets go back home. I am here to take you home. Lets go home, its time.
• She was there; I was so sure, so much that I was confident, not scared of her being there. But I guess, it’s a fair deal.
• I believe I will survive. I am a better person now, more in control, or that’s what it seems at least, and rather that is what it is supposed to be.
• They are waiting there like idiots and wanting something better to come. What an illusion! What more could come? This is the best shot. The day’s best panoramic capture by a photographer. Live now.
• If you feel alive in its presence, then it is something worth talking about. That might actually be it. Everything else is business.
• Her color is fair as clouds. Her walk is like ice, the breeze itself. Her arms are gray, slender and her clothes are gold. She moves me. There she is. She is the one.
• The best friend. She is the chilling wind of fall. I am at sea. Yeah, at sea.
• Judge anything by love. That’s it. It should move you. Love moves. It is its nature.
• Could you take me with you?

A Dark Confession

O’ my mother, the goddess of darkness
Spread your dusky gaze all around,
The feelings of agonies and pains
Which in my heart have been so profound

You have been a mystery all this time
Reveal yourself to me now
These bright lights have not amused me at all
I want to explore and feel you, enlighten how

In my wildest of dreams and imaginations
You are the source of deepest sensations

Your magic and charm is everywhere
You mean so real to me and so I care
You are no absence of light, but a presence
Of all the senses combined in, right and unfair

They are scared to accept you with an open heart
Coz you shake their fake worlds and beliefs
But I worship you deep within
In all the aesthetics and ugly mischiefs

I feel the best of me in your arms
The peace of three and unseen worlds
Noises and colours appear so dull
When I embrace you and kiss your pearls

You are all around and inside me by all means
to know you more everyday I have been keen
thinking of you every moment and playing in your arms
could never let you go coz in me, you have been.

My Sunshine

You are mine
my sunshine..

come nearby
don’t be shy
I take you to sky
and let’s fly

coz u are mine
my sunshine..

u are my girl
u make flowers swirl
let’s play the songs
and dance together when moon shines

coz u are mine
my sunshine..

u make me feel better
my go getter
I wish u never go
but I don’t wanna stop
I know u would come back
though taken aback

coz u are mine
my sunshine..

Not yet started to feel

Princesses and angels seem to be knocking on my door
but somehow i find myself busy rolling on the floor
Life is so pretty and colorful if you see through right views
colorful and beautiful it is, of many shades and hues

Victory and achievements have called me aloud with many names
but somehow i find myself entangled in regular mysterious games
they always say your attitude not aptitude builds up your altitude
but even lives on lower levels do find success very cute

Society and mankind always had a place for me in their heart
but to trust their affection, I somehow find it very hard
they said; the beauty and the love belonged to the eyes
that’s how we, though not beings birds could enjoy these open skies

Dollars and coins have never ever deserted my pockets
but somehow kept measuring life in tiny leftover bits
they say money can buy all but not love and conscience
that’s why cognac and colored lights are dull but golden seems silence

Finally none but peace and wisdom have considered me a disciple
but there too I found myself struggling and miserable
Is this all life can provide, and which is so desirable in silent dreams
I would say you are just born and you have not yet started to feel!

Mind to No-Mind

“Mind”. The word itself is enough to leave thousands of us blank for the fact that either we do not know anything about it or we have heard every possible notorious thing about mind’s powers.

Mind is the one of the most powerful elements of human beings. Human beings are blessed with a mind. Animals, birds and plants are happy without it. Mind does not have a shape or a size. It does not have a particular location in our body. It is ethereal, celestial. The journey from Mind to No – Mind state is the ultimate journey, the biggest ecstasy ever known to humans.

Mind keeps wandering in past and future like a pendulum. It cannot stay in the present. Your being and your body are always in the present. Your body shares one great thing in common with your being which is that they both reside in the present time. Mind cannot reside in the present. It is either roaming in the past (memories)or in the future (imaginations). Mind’s entire power is to move to and fro between these time extremes.

Start practising silence. By Silence I mean the silence of body and the mind. Sit silently for a few minutes everyday. Neither your body nor the mind should move. Do not let your mind wander with random thoughts like dry leaves in the air. Do not let your body move. It would be difficult in the beginning, but as your continue practicing, you will learn to be silent everytime. The rhydhm will be unstoppable. It will go and on. If you achive that state, a transformation will occur which will purify you completely. After reaching this conscious state of being completely present and with no mind, you will transform all other beings who happen to come in your aura. A magnetic field will surround you all the time.

Achieving this is not difficult. Try and practise yourself. Teach your mind to be silent. Slowly it will start listening to you. However a guide (guru) is greatly appreciated. I have found none myself so far, but an expert conscious master will be a boon for your path.

All the moments we live are dying every moment. Every moment the last moment dies forever and the new one starts. It dies even before you have lived enough of it. Utilize every moment. Time once gone is gone forever. Take out few moments everyday for yourself, for your being. Feel your existence. Get it tune with it, slowly you will realize you are gaining bliss. This will start trasforming you. You can call it mesmerisation, charisma, transformation, ecstasy, bliss, enlightenment, nirvana or any other name you like to give it.

Future is unseen, unpredictable, unrealizable, unstoppable, uncontrollable. There is no meaning in wandering meaning less thoughts for the future which is going to come in its own way. Accept life as it comes. Learn to enjoy and live every moment. Live your life in a such a complete manner so that there are no regrets left even if you died this very moment.

Do not post things for tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes and with your mind in place, it really never comes. Trust me, there is always a new set of problems posed before when you are in tomorrow. Learn to deal with today and this moment. Remember, its here and now or its nowhere and never.